So, there is a bit of a delay
between our last post and this one. We apologize for that, but [INSERT LAME
EXCUSE HERE]. Hopefully, you can understand and sympathize. In fact, we’re so
lame that we’re using the same lame beginning from two posts ago. Don’t worry,
we do have a cranium-rectal extraction planned to take place soon. Anyway….
If you recall from an earlier post
waaaaaaaaay long ago, we promised to reprint our series of articles called “The
Journey.” For those who are not familiar – when Chris and I began our
illustrious careers as writers, we had a syndicated internet column called “The
Drunken Comic Book Monkeys” where we babbled on about comic books and the world
of entertainment in general. “The Journey” is a series of articles detailing
some of our exploits into the world of micro-press publishing. We thought it
might be interesting to reprint them. So, here is the third installment. Let us
know what you think!
The Journey
“To Arms!”
The day of Friday, July 2nd
2004 was a surprisingly pleasant day. Warm enough to remind us that it was
summer, but cool enough to mistake it for spring. Nary a cloud in the sky, the
sun had free reign to exercise its will upon all who beheld it, especially two
adventurers in south, central Pennsylvania. That was the day Chris and I played
hooky from our respective jobs to visit local print shops.
Our original plan was to visit the
area print shops on Monday, the 5th, seeing how both our places of
employment were closed for the Independence Day holiday. It’s quite
embarrassing, the amount of time between formulating our original plan and
realizing that if both of our employers were closed, then logic would dictate
that the area print shops would be closed as well. However, we quickly recovered
by coming up with a reasonably good idea. Using my vast knowledge of Excel, we
created an easy to use pricing grid, so the shops could quickly drop in what
they’d charge for different quantities and different page counts for both full
color comics as well as black and white. Little did we know what amounts they’d
be dropping into those grids!
The day started with breakfast at
the local diner. Chris had a coffee and a bagel. I, Sasquatch, ate two eggs, a
side of bacon, a slice of ham, hash-browns, three chickens, a sheep, and a
frightened villager attempting to flee. Never underestimate the importance of a
good breakfast. While in the diner, we (very uncharacteristically) prepared for
our day by charting out our stops and in what order to hit them. That included
a printed map of Harrisburg and surrounding suburbs with annotated and
footnoted visual approximations of where the various print shops were located.
Our waitress took one glance at our notes and was speechless. Chris told her
that I was the guy from “A Beautiful Mind.” We can only assume that she
requested to her manager that someone else wait on our table, because that was
the last we saw of her during our time there. Oh well. Onward and upward.
I was excited. I felt adventurous
and entrepreneurial. It may have been the sugar, but I felt like fighting
crime, rescuing a damsel in distress and saying, “I’m Batman!” Chris showed his
enthusiasm a different way. After arriving at every destination he would
scream, “Dude, stop standing on my car yelling like a lunatic! And take that
mask off – no one believes you’re Batman!”
The journey itself went smoothly. I
could say that my parents were right about reaping the rewards of good
organization and executing a well thought out plan, but I’ll instead say it was
a fluke that things went so well. The
first place we visited was a smaller shop known more for business cards and
wedding invitations, but they were close by and we were itching to start. They
warned us that they were probably not going to be competitive, but they took
one of our pricing grids and talked to us anyway. And we learned a couple
things – it takes them awhile to compile a price, so we weren’t going to get
any figures that day, and the printing term “bleed” means artwork that goes to and
beyond the borders.
As can be expected with any
comparison-shopping, there were some snafus along the way, specifically the
people we were dealing with. One guy actually laughed at us. Now, we’re very
aware that when the representatives from most places were smiling at us it was
to stifle a laugh. And we’re pretty sure the guy who laughed was “visiting the
Astral Plane with Dr. Strange” in the back room before we came in. We had
another place tell us that their services were meant for “more business related
customers.” There was also the hole-in-the-wall that was located in an all but
abandoned lot in the seedier side of the neighborhood that we dared not enter.
We simply (and probably wisely) drove on by, crossed it off our annotated and
footnoted list, and sought out our next target.
There was one place that has dug
itself into my brain like a mental tick, though. The address took us onto the
typical specialty shop and café laden market street of the typical picturesque
small town, America. However, the print shop was difficult to find, for it was
hidden behind the market street buildings, accessible only by alleyway and
parking lot. Being curious monkeys, we ventured into the crooked building that
could have served as a prohibition distillery, despite the summer afternoon
breeze carrying with it the “Dueling Banjos” tune. Holding true to the
ramshackle environment, we were greeted with, “Who’s there? What do you want?”
by a scowling man, seemingly ready to grab his shot gun and start shooting if
he suspected us to be IRS agents after his moonshine. Yet, we talked to him
anyway, because we heard that this shop offered some of the best prices. The
conversation was uneasy and pensive, the underlying tension of walking through
a field of set mousetraps. He must have
spent too much time inhaling ink fumes or exotic paper particles, because
during mid-thought he’d space out and change the conversation thread more often
than an obsessive-compulsive with the flu changes handkerchiefs. We were both
happy to leave; neither of us having to squeal like a pig.
For the most part, the people we
talked to were wonderful and very helpful, quick to answer all of our questions
and share any knowledge. We got an education – one that could have only been
acquired through the experience. One particular shop excelled at that. Every
person there not only treated us well, but were also excited about what we were
trying to do, asking us more questions than we asked them. Except for one
conspiracy diatribe about “the paper company bastards” all meeting in secret
locations every year to collectively raise the price of paper, we felt very
comfortable with them. They also got bonus points for every member of the staff
having their own micrometer – even the receptionist!
After visiting a dozen different print shops in one day,
we rewarded ourselves with an all-you-can-eat stromboli and pizza buffet. As a
side note – a beer never tastes any better than at 2:00 in the afternoon when
you have the day off and the rest of the world is at work! Alas, our adventure
concluded with a late afternoon showing of “Spider-Man 2.”
Yes, we also searched on-line for
national companies who print comic books more often than the local ones we
visited. We won’t bore you with all the places we found and contacted. I’m sure
you’d find the same places we did by simply typing in “comic book printing” in
any search engine. However, we will tell you that if you’re planning on doing a
black and white comic, then The Small Press Co-Op might be the place for you. They
had the best prices for what we were looking to do and (judging from the sample
they sent to us) they do quality work.
All in all, if anyone reading this
is thinking about self-publishing, then we suggest you do as much research as
possible about printing since it is the most important part of the publishing
process. Even though we’re probably going to use the Small Press Co-op, the
experience of taking a day off work to visit local printers was an invaluable
piece in the education puzzle. Hell, even if you’re not planning on
self-publishing, we suggest you visit some local print shops anyway – you might
find some good moonshine….
Next Issue: “Reconnaissance.”
